Thank you for introducing me to Caro Emerald
Thank you for telling me to stop and look around
Thank you for reading The Catcher in The Rye
Thank you for listening to Frank Sinatra
The long rides around town,
For the fried shrimp balls
For not forcing me to watch horror movies
For standing on edges of rooftops
For stopping me from putting a foot out to test gravity
For recording me holding my breath for 2:15mins
The accents we tried
The prank calls
The rain dancing
The day we jumped into the water fully clothed
The day we forced an outing and scratched the car
The day you made me try to drive on my favorite road
For accepting that stupid fax
When no ones know how to actually fax
The soundtrack we made
That we never listened to
Thanks for being on my speed dial
I’ve been gone for over a year, an excuse for that? Sheer laziness plus i’m not one to stick to habit. I also can’t promise to do this on a weekly basis, but i got back to journaling early this year so maybe some of that will be on here. Why am i back? I guess my outlook on life changed so fast so dramatically that i guess i feared i might have a personality disorder, why am i sharing this? i still don’t know.
But back to the basics, that sounded like a line from a 90’s tv show introduction.
What could have been, it’s a something we all crave, it’s that moment where we escape reality and just think of what we would like to happen, what we all imagine and daydream about before waking up back to reality.
As humans, we tend to getaway from life for at least a few minutes a day, but why is that, is reality so bad? Or are we just not satisfied with our lives and how we live. I mean dictionaries define daydreaming as; “a series of pleasant thoughts that distract one’s attention from the present.” But why is that, why do need to distract ourselves, is life that dull?
I myself believe it’s an escape, and I accept that, because in a sense, I sometimes find my dream farfetched and unlikely. So using the powerful tool that god has given me, my mind, I have chosen to live for a few minutes within a universe that makes me smile brightly and forget about life’s regular snags.
Artistic and original ideas that could be the change we need in our lives, if take these risks, we might see life in a new light, like a new lenses.
If it’s the person we have crush on, or that new hobby we want to try, or just maybe something as simple an item on our shopping bag, why do we always postpone what we want when we know it could make us happier even if its only for a moment.
As I sit here, One month prior to my high school graduation, I find myself thinking that I might have jumped the gun with choosing to major in Film.
The closer I get, the scarier it is, about 80% of people I know are telling me to choose a major that could provide me with a well paying job. Now that is a good option if I can accept living my whole life sitting in a desk job, contemplating on what could have been.
I’m not a realist, far from it actually, I live in the idea of me doing what I love and being successful, but why is that such a bad thing, I mean shouldn’t we do something we love instead of what others think, what about all the high school/college dropouts who made a living out of a hobby, why do we always look down on people who create an option instead of taking the easy way out.
I’m writing this because writing releases my tension, because today, three months after choosing to major in something I like, I’m being told to choose the safe option. If you think about it, aren’t the ones who stray find success?
What’s making this so much harder is the fact that I’m born in between old and new, the generation that will change all, the ones who are helping break the cultural barriers that sometimes hold us back.
It’s a scary choice, to choose between your cultural beliefs or new ideals, should I follow or should I stray to find my way?
What would you do?
It was tiring yet mesmerizing a feeling you can only accomplish if you were here with me.
On top of the mountain i stood, looking down there was a waterfall so big and so tall, a scream escaped my lungs like a prisoners escape.
It was not a cry for help but a way to unleash all the anger and negative energy, all the bad memories and horrifying moments were trying to get out. I stood there looking down and up and sizing myself with the area, it was that moment, that little second that i saw it all again, my dream came to life, not exactly the same but relatable.
My mind yearned and nudged me to jump down into the water just like the dream, because i did survive it in the dream. Yet my bones wriggled and shivered to stop me. It was my moment to feel free and boundless, but was it my moment to die? Is that little feeling worth risking my life?
When I was a kid, whenever I gazed at the sky, I would think about a place far far away. Now I’m not saying that this had nothing to do with Peter Pan or any other Disney cartoon I watched, but it was my own personal belief that out of this solar system or galaxy, other planets existed each of them being the home of a Disney Cartoon. One for Aladdin or Pinocchio, another for Peter Pan, and so on.
Now that wasn’t proven wrong scientifically but we’d have to remove the “Disney” part.
It was nice to know that these places actually subsisted and all those characters I loved were real. It kept my imagination intact while other kids’ faded as they grew up. Occasionally I wondered if they’d pick me up in my sleep and take me there but obviously that didn’t happen.
I really don’t know why I’m sharing this since only a couple of people knew about it but it’s nice to let people know how inventive and foolish I was. Or Am.
I’m still on if you guys want to pick me up, since exams are near and stuff like that.